It's taken me a week to calm down enough to write this blog....

I have an announcement.

I've broken it off with Usher.

Anyone who knows me knows that I can defend the most main stream, stripper talkin, ho slappin', bling braggin', just plain ludicrous (no pun intended) hip hop on the radio these days. Shit, I mean you should see how excited I get when that retarded Ray J song "Sexy Can I" comes on the pop station. My bootyr is shakin' and I've got my rap hands WAY up!

I don't know what it is about hip-hop, it's just part of me. A dark shameful part. :)

Anyhow, in the car a week or two ago I heard the WORST hip-hop song EVER. I mean just dumb.

It was so stupid I had to find it online to play it for Chris, so he could be tortured with it's trash along with me. Then I noticed the worst of it all.... IT WAS AN USHER SONG.

I LOVES me some Usher. I've listened to the "Confessions" CD more that I'm willing to admit. And don't even get me start on his "My Way" album.

BUT this song I heard, "Love In This Club" is unforgivable. I'm posting the link to the youtube video, but I want you to keep in mind my hatred of this song has nothing to do with how nasty it is. It has EVERYTHING to do with how retarded the lyrics are http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqqY07OZWps.

If you didn't watch the video, here is a quick breakdown of part of the song., these are not in order...

"On the couch, on the table, on the bar, or on the floor You can meet me in the bathroom yeah you know I’m tryna go" ---- WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A CLUB HERE PEOPLE. I've personally vomited in all of those places in my younger days.

"You keep doin’ it on purpose whindin and workin’ it" ----- Date rape anyone?

"Lets both get undressed right here, keep it up girl i swear, imma give it to you non stop and i dont care, who's watchin...watchin...watchin" ---- In real life those people get kicked out of clubs and they are usually 200+ pounds.

Goodbye Usher. We've had a good decade, but it's time to move on.

xoxo
G

I'm such a child sometimes...

As a HUGE fan of thowin' up the "shocker" sign as often as possible I thought this was the funniest chart I've seen in a long time.

I can't wait for a chance to flash the "show stopper"...

4 out of 5 relatives think I'm a pervert now!

I had this entire blog all planned out on how I was going to accuse all dog groomers of being sick perverts. It really was going to be a gem of a blog.

I was going to reference back to this original pervert dog groomer post I put up months ago to solidify my argument.

BUT... all of that fell apart when I started showing off my non-award winning photography at my Step-mom's 50th birthday party.

My sister saw it first since she was with me when I took the picture and she agreed it was fo' sho' a doggie butt hole.

Then I showed my dad and asked him if he noticed anything "funny" about the picture. He didn't.

Then I showed my husband and asked him if he noticed anything "funny" and again, he didn't. AND he accused me of being disgusting. The nerve!

So I was left no choice, I had to show a few more people. I realize a birthday party may not be the prime time to pass around a picture of a cartoon dog butt hole, but honestly what was I supposed to do?!

When I showed my sisters husband he laughed a very kind "I don't get it" laugh and then refused to agree it was the dogs butt hole when I pointed out that was the "funny" thing I was having him look for.

Basically what this blog has turned into is me begging you to say you see the dogs butt hole so I don't feel like a pervert!

Get your mind IN the gutter for this one...

Original post date 9-10-2007

Someone should have told these folks to hire a business consultant before naming their business.....

In fact I think they stole this business name form a couple of girls I know who work on main street in Springfield. Workin' girls of course!

I wonder if they trim pussy here too? Sorry I couldn't help myself!

It tastes like Chicken!

Pay attention my friends.... if we are ever in a situation where you have to eat me, I can feed up to 12 of you. I’m not sure how many meals you’ll get out of me, but feel free to chop me up and cook me. I think I’d taste best grilled with a little BBQ sauce.




Feel free to return the favor.....How many cannibals could you feed?
http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/cannibal_lunch

Guess what???

After months of being neglected this blog is back in business.............

If I only had one week to live....

This is incredibly tasteless, but sometimes I fantasize about being diagnosed with a terminal illness and only having a week to live.....

SO I CAN PLAN MY MENU!!!

If I only had a week to live I’d eat......

Voodoo Donuts - Bacon Maple Bars would be mandatory every morning during my one week left on the planet.

Chocolate Sandwiches - I know it sounds like something you would have to look up on Urban Dictionary, but it’s NOT!


Chocolate Sandwiches:

2 slices white Wonder bread
1 Hershey bar
Butter

Pre-heat the George Foreman grill till the light comes on. Butter both sides of the bread, put the chocolate in the middle and grill it until it’s golden brown.

Costco Hotdogs - It’s the best deal in town...$1.50 for a hotdog and a soda. And it’s consistent, it’s been a buck fifty for as long as I can remember and I have faith that Costco will not be changing things anytime soon.

Yellow Laffy Taffy & Banana Slurpees - I’m pretty sure this is what I’d ask for as my last meal. I LOVE anything artificially banana flavored.

Weiner Wraps - Another one that you don’t need to look up on Urban Dictionary. AND to set the record straight once and for all, weiner wraps are NOT the same as weiner wangs.

Weiner Wraps:

1 package of weiners
1 tube of refrigerated crescent rolls
Cheese is optional

Preheat oven to 375. Wrap crescent rolls around each hotdog. Cook for 13-18 minutes. Top with melted cheese if desired.

Kraft Mac N’ Cheese - I don’t care what anyone says, Mac N’ Cheese from the box is the best ever. You don’t know how many times I’ve heard "you’ve gotta try my recipe". While their recipe might be good, it’ll never be Kraft good.

Grape, Strawberry and Orange soda - With only a week left I don’t really need to worry about rotting my teeth out.

Little Caesars Cheese Stuffed Crazy Bread - There is nothing I can say in defense of these. They are disgusting in an amazing greasy, cheesy, doughy sort of way.

Looking at this list now I realize I have the same taste in food as an 8 year old. Fuck it, it’s my last week to live, I might as well live it up junk food style.